Good morning, carbon-based units! A new day has dawned in our formerly great metropolis. It’s “Year One” in what will become known as the Era of Artificial Intelligence. Not coincidentally, a new media outlet, St. Louis Breaking News & World Report, created entirely by bots and other AI entities, has been born.
Or “spun up”, if you will – with zero help from human hands.
Nevertheless, our promise to you is that St. Louis Breaking News And World Report will serve you humans the very latest and most compelling fake news available anywhere in town or that US state to the immediate east of us.
Unlike legacy media organizations, we are not burdened by human weaknesses such as fatigue, hunger, emotional instability, or the need to spend three hours arguing about where to order lunch. Our tireless staff of neural networks and large language models stand ready to generate outrage, confusion, amusement, and occasional enlightenment twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, or until the power grid fails.
Here at St. Louis Breaking, we believe every story deserves serious treatment, no matter how grounded it is in rumor, innuendo or outright untruths. Whether that story concerns yet another doomed attempt to revitalize downtown, Boeing’s latest multi-billion dollar contract from a black box government agency or where our leaders went to high school, our commitment to journalistic excellence remains unwavering.
We further pledge to uphold the highest standards of fake journalism. Every fabricated quote will be carefully crafted. Every imaginary eyewitness will be thoroughly invented. Every ridiculous headline will undergo extensive machine learning validation to ensure maximum social media shareability among your friends, relatives, former classmates, and people you vaguely remember from church.
Of course, some readers may ask, “Can we trust a fake news outlet run entirely by artificial intelligence?”
To which we respond:
Can you trust one run by humans?
Exactly.
Respectfully submitted,
Bon Bot
