ST. LOUIS — After years of promising St. Louis homeowners that he can keep them comfortable no matter what the temperature outside, popular HVAC contractor and relentless radio advertiser Bart Inman announced Wednesday that he is taking on an even bigger climate-control project: the United States of America.
Inman, whose familiar heating-and-air-conditioning commercials have become nearly impossible to avoid on St. Louis radio, reportedly decided to enter the presidential race after concluding that Washington, D.C. is “basically one giant system running with a dirty filter.”
“America’s airflow is terrible,” Inman said during a campaign announcement delivered, naturally, next to a furnace. “The left side of the country is freezing. The right side is overheated. Washington keeps adjusting the thermostat, but nobody has bothered to check the ductwork.”
His campaign slogan, “Make America Comfortable Again,” was immediately praised by political consultants as the first presidential slogan in history offering voters both economic stability and a free 21-point HVAC inspection.
Inman laid out an ambitious first-100-days agenda that includes replacing the White House air conditioner, cleaning every government air duct built before 1987, and requiring Congress to undergo annual preventive maintenance.
“Why wait until the whole system breaks down?” Inman asked. “That’s how you end up calling us at 2 a.m. on Christmas Eve. And frankly, that’s pretty much how Congress has been operating for 250 years.”
Political observers say Inman could have an enormous advantage in Missouri, where polls indicate roughly 94 percent of voters have already heard his name 17 times before arriving at work each morning.
“Name recognition is everything in politics,” said St. Louis Breaking political analyst Skip Bowers. “Most candidates spend tens of millions introducing themselves to voters. Bart just needs to keep buying spots during Cardinals games and the morning traffic report.”
Inman also unveiled several major policy proposals.
Under his National Comfort Guarantee, every American household would receive “honest, upfront pricing,” while any federal agency unable to fix a problem on the first visit would be required to come back at no additional charge.
The Department of Energy would be renamed the Department of Heating, Cooling & Indoor Air Quality, and cabinet nominees would have to demonstrate they can successfully install a programmable thermostat before receiving Senate confirmation.
Inman also promised to tackle inflation by replacing the Federal Reserve’s current monetary policy with a simple thermostat.
“If prices are running hot, turn it down,” he explained. “If the economy gets cold, turn it up. I don’t understand why these economists make everything so complicated.”
Foreign policy would likewise receive an HVAC-inspired overhaul.
Inman said hostile nations would initially receive a warning, followed by a diagnostic visit, followed by what his campaign described only as “the full-system replacement option.”
The announcement has already shaken the presidential field.
Several rival candidates reportedly canceled campaign appearances after learning that Inman had purchased every available radio advertising slot between 5 a.m. and midnight through Election Day.
St. Louis residents, meanwhile, expressed mixed feelings.
“I’d probably vote for him,” said Maryland Heights resident Gary Thompson. “But if I hear that commercial one more time while driving down I-270, I may move to Illinois.”
Inman dismissed concerns that an HVAC contractor lacks the experience necessary to manage the federal government.
“I spend every day diagnosing expensive systems that don’t work properly, contain outdated components, waste enormous amounts of energy and have owners who refuse to follow basic instructions,” he said.
“So frankly, I’ve been training for Washington my entire career.”
At the conclusion of the announcement, Inman reminded reporters that campaign donations were welcome but emphasized that financing is available to qualified voters.
St. Louis Breaking News & World Report — Your Trusted Local Source for Fake News
