ST. LOUIS — Officials with St. Louis Public Schools responded Tuesday to renewed speculation about a state takeover of the district by announcing that, if any state was going to run their school system, they would prefer that state to be Rhode Island.
The announcement came days after Missouri State Auditor Scott Fitzpatrick issued another blistering audit of SLPS, giving the district the lowest possible rating of “poor” and questioning whether the current Board of Education remains an effective governing body.
“We appreciate the State of Missouri’s concern,” an SLPS spokesperson said. “But after careful consideration, we believe Rhode Island is more closely aligned with our long-term educational vision.”
When reporters asked what Rhode Island’s educational vision actually was, district officials acknowledged they had no idea.
“That’s part of the appeal,” the spokesperson explained.
According to sources, the SLPS board considered several possible “state” governments before settling on the Ocean State. Those other states included Delaware, Alaska and Puerto Rico.
Rhode Island ultimately won because it is geographically distant, relatively small, and—most importantly—has never previously attempted to audit St. Louis Public Schools.
“Missouri already knows too much,” said one board member.
The auditor’s report cited ineffective leadership, weakened public trust, compliance problems, questionable governance practices and a general lack of accountability. It also noted that the district is now provisionally accredited and questioned whether dramatic changes may be necessary.
SLPS officials said those findings reinforced their belief that Missouri was simply “too emotionally involved.”
“What this district needs is a fresh perspective,” said another official. “Preferably from someone who cannot locate St. Louis on a map.”
Under the proposed arrangement, Rhode Island Governor Dan McKee would reportedly appoint a special St. Louis Educational Colonial Administrator, who would work remotely from Providence and visit St. Louis once annually, weather permitting.
The plan would also replace the SLPS Board of Education with the Rhode Island Board of Education Away From Home, whose first official act would be determining why a school district 1,100 miles away suddenly belonged to them.
Rhode Island officials were reportedly surprised by the announcement.
“We were not consulted,” said one state employee. “Until this morning, we thought SLPS was an airport.”
District Praises Rhode Island’s Lack Of Historical Baggage
SLPS leaders stressed that the selection had nothing to do with Rhode Island’s actual educational record.
Instead, district officials were impressed by several key advantages:
- Rhode Island has never fired an SLPS superintendent.
- Rhode Island has never investigated SLPS spending.
- Rhode Island taxpayers are unlikely to attend SLPS board meetings.
- Providence is far enough away that angry parents would require a connecting flight.
- Nobody in Rhode Island has ever heard the phrase “St. Louis Public Schools” followed by “audit.”
The district also praised Rhode Island’s compact size.
“We’ve tried local control,” said an administrator. “We’ve considered state control. Maybe what we need is really small state control.”
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