KIRKWOOD, MO — A growing number of residents who recently moved into luxury condos and apartments in downtown Kirkwood are reportedly demanding action after making a horrifying discovery: local restaurants occasionally feature acoustic guitar music — at night, no less.
The controversy began after several residents said they were unable to fully enjoy the peace and quiet of living two blocks from restaurants, bars, coffee shops, trains, festivals, pedestrians, traffic, farmers markets, outdoor patios and a downtown business district because someone nearby was softly playing James Taylor.
“We moved downtown because we wanted walkability, energy, restaurants, nightlife and a sense of community,” said one resident who lives above Bar Louie in a $1.2 million condo. “We just didn’t realize any of those things would produce sound.”
According to witnesses, tensions escalated Friday evening when a man with an acoustic guitar performed what authorities described as “three consecutive songs at a volume clearly audible from the sidewalk.”
One neighbor immediately closed all of her windows and contacted city officials.
“It was devastating,” she said. “I could still faintly hear ‘Take It Easy’ from my balcony.”
City leaders are now considering several possible compromises, including requiring musicians to perform entirely in pantomime, limiting guitar strings to three, and issuing noise citations whenever a performer uses a capo.
Another proposal would create a special “Downtown Residential Quiet Zone” covering all restaurants, patios, bars, coffee shops, public spaces and anywhere else a downtown resident might reasonably expect something to be happening.
Local business owners said they were confused by the complaints.
“We thought people moved downtown because they liked having restaurants and live music nearby,” said one restaurant manager. “Apparently they wanted the restaurants nearby, but the actual restaurant part somewhere in Ballwin.”
Real-estate agents have begun revising downtown Kirkwood listings to better manage expectations.
New promotional language reportedly includes:
“Charming walkable neighborhood featuring shops, dining and entertainment, some of which may unfortunately entertain you.”
Developers are also considering a new luxury condominium project designed specifically for residents seeking the authentic downtown experience without any of the inconveniences associated with being downtown.
Amenities will include triple-pane windows, soundproof balconies, underground parking and a private shuttle to restaurants located at least four miles from the building.
Meanwhile, several longtime Kirkwood residents expressed sympathy for their new neighbors.
“It must be difficult,” said one. “You spend $800,000 to live above a restaurant and then one evening somebody brings out a guitar.”
At press time, residents had reportedly formed a committee to address another growing downtown nuisance: people walking around outside.
