Hundreds of self-described Missouri “monarchists” gathered for a one-day rally on – where else? – Kingshighway in the Central West End Saturday.
Calling themselves “Mo Kings”, they say they formed in reaction to the highly-attended “No Kings” rallies held across the country recently and also in prosperous west St. Louis County suburbs.
Wearing crowns, powdered wigs, ermine-trimmed robes and, in at least one case, a Cardinals jersey modified with gold epaulets, participants waved signs and chanted slogans like:
“What do we want?”
“A MONARCH!”
“When do we want him?”
“AT A TIME OF HIS CHOOSING!”
“We just felt the anti-monarchy movement had gone unanswered for too long,” said self-proclaimed Grand Duke of Dogtown Kevin O’Malley. “People keep saying they don’t want kings. Well, we think they just haven’t met the right king.”
The group marched north on Kingshighway behind a large purple banner proclaiming “God Save St. Louis!” while volunteers distributed pamphlets outlining a proposed constitutional framework that would replace municipal governments with a system of hereditary neighborhood barons, overseen by an omnipotent local monarch.
Under the plan, residents of Clayton would become dukes, residents of Frontenac would become counts, and residents of Chesterfield would automatically be elevated to the status of “minor nobility with access to premium parking.”
All Ladue residents would be proclaimed “kings” with a lower-case “k” while an anonymous “Veiled Prophet” would be crowned from an all-male group of white property owners and become the ruling theocrat.
One popular attraction was a ceremonial throne constructed from toasted-ravioli shipping pallets and old Budweiser signs. “‘The King of Beers’,” get it?” quipped one man dressed as a court jester.
“We’re not extremists,” explained rally organizer Chad Beaumont VIII, who listed his title as Acting Regent of Brentwood. “We’re not demanding a king today. We’re simply asking that future elections include at least one winning candidate chosen by divine providence.”
Several attendees expressed admiration for famous monarchs throughout history, though many admitted their knowledge of European royal history came primarily from binge-watching The Crown and Disney movies.
